Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Where Has The Time Gone?
My heart was pounding and my eyes filled with tears as I looked at a picture of a beautiful little girl with dark hair and piercing blue eyes. Yeah, I was looking into the blue eyes of my oldest daughter, but this picture was when she was 3 years old. I stared at this picture for a few seconds and then tapped my husband on the shoulder and said, "Look honey, where has the time gone? I wish I could have some of those times back." Do you know what my husband's response was?? Not what I expected, but yet just what I needed, he said to me, "I don't want those years back but I do want to make the ones we have better." I stared at the picture a little longer and then laid it down on my computer desk to ponder my husbands thought. Ya know, he was right! Because, you see, when I was looking into her beautiful eyes, instead of seeing her beauty I began to remember all of the mistakes I had made as a parent. I had vivid memories of when my voice was too loud, or overreacting to a circumstance, my selfishness, the times I wasn't there, the times when I worked too hard doing house chores instead of playing dress up and dolls. I saw all of MY mistakes! My husband, on the other hand, focused on the present and the future. Just like God, He doesn't focus on our failures but on our future! I am so very thankful that He sees past my many failures and offers me a hope for a new day! So this morning I am humbled and reminded that the beautiful little girl that I was staring at in the picture, who is about to be 10 years old in two weeks, is my gift from God! He didn't expect me to get it all right! He knew I wouldn't be a perfect parent and that I was going to scream at times, overreact at times, and frankly just mess up royally! But yet, He chose me to be her mommy, and I am so thankful He did! So, today, I will not focus on my past failures but focus on the new memories I can make with her and my other three angels. Thank you Lord that I am not a perfect parent so that I can see your grace, mercy, forgiveness, and love manifested through my weaknesses! Thank you for making me a mommy!!